I had my opportunity to experience it firsthand a few months ago, when I attempted the Hallucination 100 over in Pinckney, MI. Though ultimately it was a lingering injury that did me in, I've decided after (too much) reflection that the day was never mine to begin with. My ego was inflated by a successful Summer, and I forgot why I partake in this sport to begin with. It has nothing to do with standings, places or medals.
I've been humbled by training solo. The only races I've done since Hallucination are low key holiday 5-10k distance races. Life has been feeling boring and broken, and it's time to fix it.
|You only live once, right?|
On the running front(less important, but generally the focus of this blog): Tahoe Rim Trail 100. I signed up New Years Day at 4am. I awoke from a dead sleep(I don't have to explain New Year's Eve festivities, do I?) and realized it was time to start my life again. Waiting around for some bullshit job to come through so I could feel like a productive member of society was killing me. I have dreams. They started with running, but spread and infused themselves into the fabric of my being. Ambition is contagious. Making one bold move will lead to more. That's how I want to live, not sitting idly and waiting for some semblance of a life to come to me. Never mind that I have no idea how I'll get there, how I'm going to cover 100miles at altitude, or how I'll fund all the shenanigans that take place between now and then. Great stories aren't about plans.
As you can see from that last paragraph, running is more than running to me. I don't think I've effectively hidden the fact that I moved to Boulder last Summer primarily to run, and secondly to work. The bold decision to test myself in a new environment led to growth on so many levels. I discovered a passion for working with people with disabilities, which was something I had no idea existed within me. I found out that independence isn't being 100% ready for what lies ahead. Independence is knowing that what lies ahead is never insurmountable. The last few months have consisted of waiting- waiting for a job, waiting for motivation, waiting for inspiration. No more.
My goal for 2012 and beyond: Less mistakes of sloth. More mistakes of ambition.
Samantha and I are moving back to Colorado. Adventure is imminent.